There's nowhere to go

 Jesus said to the twelve, "You do not want to go away also, do you?"

Simon Peter answered Him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have words of eternal life.

"We have believed and have come to know that You are the Holy One of God."

 
  I remember the first time I went to a Spirit-filled church service. Oh, I had been to mass before, but this was much different. For one, people were really into the service.I felt a power, a presence in that room like I had never felt before. It was overwhelming; several times I had to leave and take a breather outside. But I wanted it and it was all very new and exciting. I felt alive.
 
 And so I joined their little evangelical group. They gave me books and told me what to believe. Back then I used to think, "I really hope this Jesus stuff is real!" I used to worry that perhaps it wasn't real, and that I would end up being very disappointed. But years went by and I read my Bible and had some experiences with God that led me to believe without a doubt that Jesus is real. He really is God's Son, He really did come here, He really did die on the cross, and He truly rose again from the dead. I have no doubt that when I die, I am going to have a talk with Him. I am going to face Him one day.
 
 I honestly am not looking forward to it. Why? Well, you know when you're young, and your mom and dad tell you about santa claus or they teach you their belief system? And you just accept it "as is"?  But when you get older, you start having more and more independant thoughts, and start gathering information which eventually becomes your own personal belief system. Your motto, credo, whatever. But when your belief system clashes with that of your household, it becomes very uncomfortable. You start feeling increasingly isolated.You may even be told that you are hell-bound. What do you do? You either become a mindless drone and fall in line, or you go with your heart, believe in yourself, and leave.
 
 And that is what I did...or have been trying to do. It isn't easy. But I'm sorry my fellow Christians, I don't think God is going to burn people in hell forever. I don't think God is a "Trinity." I dont think I have to accept the Nicene Creed. If I agree with it, I will. And if I don't, I should have the right to reject it. But you "orthodox" ones should not have the right to take away my God-given name just because I don't agree with your precious doctrines! And the last time I checked, many of my brothers and sisters were killed for rejecting your doctrines. Who is more righteous: the one who says "I believe God is a Trinity," but then kills the "heretics," or those that say "I do not see God as a trinity," who do not murder those that disagree?
 
 
 So I left the evangelical house. And I do not want to go back. I consider myself Emergent now, a part of the Emergent conversation. I don't agree with everything said in that conversation, but I am glad to be a part of a people who are tired of being hustled by "Church." I don't like being spiritually abused, thank you. The Emergent church is my foster home.
 
 Don't think I am some high and mighty saint. You don't know the things I have done. I am a loser. But I believe that somehow, someway, God is making me beautiful. Yeah, I get mad at God sometimes. But He's the only one I got. If I didn't believe God was looking out for me, I would just commit suicide. If I left Jesus, where would I go? Who wants this former prostitute? Who would want me, where would I go? There's nowhere to go. Jesus alone has Life, and the words of Life. I have had my best friend betray me, and love doesn't last. You will leave me too. But Jesus will never forsake me. There's nowhere to go but to Jesus.


 

Jesus as our foundation

Last night my friend decided to ask me all sorts of questions. You see in his salvation experience, he recieved an absolute knowing that he would go to heaven when he died. That's nice, but not all of us have that. Anyway, my friend says that in the "cults" that they do not have total assurance that they are heaven bound at death. And he thinks that maybe I'm not really saved because I do not have this total assurance.


Now I told my friend that he is judging the validity of other people's salvation by whether or not theirs matches his - having an absolute assurance of going to heaven when he dies. I gave him this example: not too long ago the Pope stated that everyone not in Catholicism may be in danger of being lost to Christ. Now, why would he think like that? Could it be that like my friend, he is judging other people's salvation experience against his own? His experience is one of being Catholic. That is the context in how he came to know the Lord. Wonderful. :) But why do people have to be so close-minded as to think that if someone else's salvation experience does not match their own, then those other people perhaps are lost?


If I grew up as a Mormon, and knew the Lord and the scriptures in that context, I would probably think that everyone who was not a Mormon was lost. If I grew up as a 7th Day Adventist, I probably would think that everyone who did not know the Lord in the way that I did - by Adventist teachings - was in danger of not having a real relationship with the Lord. All of this close-minded judging just makes the congregation of the Lord, His Body, live in disunity.
When I mentioned these things to my friend, he said that we do have unity because Jesus is our foundation. But if that is true, then why is a "real" Christian defined by whether or not they accept the Nicene Creed? Why is a real Christian defined by whether or not they accept the Trinity doctrine? Why is a real Christian definded by whether or not they see Jesus as God? So no, we do not have Jesus as our foundation! If we did, we could all accept each other, whether or not we saw Jesus as a created being or as God, whether or not we saw the Godhead as a Trinity of persons or as One person in Oneness.


Now I know that there are some of us that do not cling to these judgemental attitudes. It is my prayer that there will be more and more of us. And where do we come from? I know that I used to be quite fundamental in my beliefs. We need God to soften our hard hearts. I think of the disciples who wanted to incinerate a Samaritan village because it would not prepare to recieve Jesus. That is how many of us are today. Are you surprised when you read about all the atrocities of the so called Church during the Dark Ages? Why should we be? If the disciples wanted to burn people who didn't want to receive Jesus, no wonder others throughout Christian history have had the same desire - unfortunately they didn't have Jesus right there with them to rebuke and stop their insanity.


I want Jesus and His cross to be our foundation. If it is, then we can accept each other. We have to remember that Jesus died for each one of us and that no one is better than anyone else. We need to drop all these creeds and these denominational titles and just accept each other because Jesus died for us all. We all drove the nails into the cross of Christ. No more blaming Jewish people. No more looking at the "Church" as the only benefactors of grace. I pray that we can truly accept one another not by our creeds but rather because Jesus died for us and that makes all of equally important and loved by God.