Jesus said to the twelve, "You do not want to go away also, do you?"
Simon Peter answered Him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have words of eternal life.
"We have believed and have come to know that You are the Holy One of God."
I remember the first time I went to a Spirit-filled church service. Oh, I had been to mass before, but this was much different. For one, people were really into the service.I felt a power, a presence in that room like I had never felt before. It was overwhelming; several times I had to leave and take a breather outside. But I wanted it and it was all very new and exciting. I felt alive.
And so I joined their little evangelical group. They gave me books and told me what to believe. Back then I used to think, "I really hope this Jesus stuff is real!" I used to worry that perhaps it wasn't real, and that I would end up being very disappointed. But years went by and I read my Bible and had some experiences with God that led me to believe without a doubt that Jesus is real. He really is God's Son, He really did come here, He really did die on the cross, and He truly rose again from the dead. I have no doubt that when I die, I am going to have a talk with Him. I am going to face Him one day.
I honestly am not looking forward to it. Why? Well, you know when you're young, and your mom and dad tell you about santa claus or they teach you their belief system? And you just accept it "as is"? But when you get older, you start having more and more independant thoughts, and start gathering information which eventually becomes your own personal belief system. Your motto, credo, whatever. But when your belief system clashes with that of your household, it becomes very uncomfortable. You start feeling increasingly isolated.You may even be told that you are hell-bound. What do you do? You either become a mindless drone and fall in line, or you go with your heart, believe in yourself, and leave.
And that is what I did...or have been trying to do. It isn't easy. But I'm sorry my fellow Christians, I don't think God is going to burn people in hell forever. I don't think God is a "Trinity." I dont think I have to accept the Nicene Creed. If I agree with it, I will. And if I don't, I should have the right to reject it. But you "orthodox" ones should not have the right to take away my God-given name just because I don't agree with your precious doctrines! And the last time I checked, many of my brothers and sisters were killed for rejecting your doctrines. Who is more righteous: the one who says "I believe God is a Trinity," but then kills the "heretics," or those that say "I do not see God as a trinity," who do not murder those that disagree?
So I left the evangelical house. And I do not want to go back. I consider myself Emergent now, a part of the Emergent conversation. I don't agree with everything said in that conversation, but I am glad to be a part of a people who are tired of being hustled by "Church." I don't like being spiritually abused, thank you. The Emergent church is my foster home.
Don't think I am some high and mighty saint. You don't know the things I have done. I am a loser. But I believe that somehow, someway, God is making me beautiful. Yeah, I get mad at God sometimes. But He's the only one I got. If I didn't believe God was looking out for me, I would just commit suicide. If I left Jesus, where would I go? Who wants this former prostitute? Who would want me, where would I go? There's nowhere to go. Jesus alone has Life, and the words of Life. I have had my best friend betray me, and love doesn't last. You will leave me too. But Jesus will never forsake me. There's nowhere to go but to Jesus.
